🐾 Ernest Whiskerton

Professional Napper | Freelance Food Critic | Full-Time Chunky Boi

About

Who am I, Kylie? Why a cat? Why not a horse or a beetle or a bald eagle? I'm saying this more as, like, existentialism, you know? Who am I? And how can a cat ever be happy without, you'll forgive the expression, a chicken in its teeth?

Objective

To continue living my best, most luxurious cat life while expanding my portfolio in high-calorie cuisine, unauthorized food sampling, and nap experimentation across various sunbeams.

Experience

  • Chief Chunk Officer (CCO) – Pan LLC (2020–Present)
    • Proudly weighs more than a small dog.
    • Pondering about the meaning of life while increaing Food2Nap (F2P) ratio by 150%.
  • Senior Sleeping Specialist – Self-Employed (2018–Present)
    • Mastered 17 nap positions, including: the Loaf, the Side Plop, and the Banana.
    • Set household record: 22.3 hours asleep during a thunderstorm.
  • Unauthorized Food Sampling Expert – Ongoing
    • Will clean the inside of every coffee cup that you left behind.
    • Take bites out of your buttery pastry.

Skills

Climb ladders, Sudden zoomies at 3 a.m., Knead dough(tummy)